iLLuMiNaTa - The Enlighten One's

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, mam, it's the same dog.

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TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher mam!!

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"DALAWANG LASING...NAGLALAKAD."
LASING-1: Shege pare, Ayan na yung bahay namin eh, dito na lang ako, salamat sa paghatid mo sakin ha!

LASING-2: Mali ka pare, hindi yan ang bahay mo... diyan ako nakatira eh... kaya sa amin yang bahay na yan! Okey?

BABAE :(Nagbukas ng pinto}.. Hoy, mga Unggoy! Anong pinagtatalunan nyo diyan? Lasing na naman kayong Mag-ama noh?

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DIRTY OLD MAN: Alam mo pare, lima ang tsiks ko ngayon!

PARE : Magaganda ba sila pare?

D.O.M.: Maganda sila pare.... at magkakamukha pa silang lahat!

PARE : Ha, bakit nagkaganon pare?

D.O.M. : Lahat sila Mukhang Pera !!

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ARMY : Manong, san ba dito nagpupugad ang mga NPA..?

MANGYAN: Sir, matagal nako dito sa bundok, pero wala pa akong nakikitang pugad ng NPA.... Ano ba kulay ng ITLOG nila sir..?

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ERAP: (Nag-e-exercise) 1234 Amen...!
5678 Amen...!
8765 Amen...!
4321 Amen...!

JINGOY: Dad, bakit may pa-amen amen ka pa..?

ERAP: Kasi sabi ng Doktor ko... "EXERCISE RELIGIOUSLY"..!

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An Arab was interviewed at the US Embassy for a U.S.A. Visa.


Consul : What is your name?
Arab: Abdul Aziz

Consul: Sex?
Arab : Six to ten times a week

Consul: I mean, male or female?
Arab : both male and female and sometimes even camels

Consul: Holy cow!
Arab : Yes, cows and dogs too!!!!

Consul: Man,...isn ' t it hostile?
Arab :Horse style, dog style, any style

Consul: Oh...dear!
Arab : Ah Deer? Me no fuck, they run too fast!


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Chemistry teacher asked a sexy student, "What are NITRATES?
The student replied shyly, "Ma'am, sa motel po.
NITRATES are higher than day-rates!"

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"Usapan ng dalawang mayabang..."

Tomas: Ang galing ng aso ko! Tuwing umaga, dala
niya ang dyaryo sa akin.
Diego: Alam ko.
Tomas: Ha? Paano mo nalaman?
Diego: Ikinukuwento sa akin ng aso ko.

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WHO'S GUILTY?
Wife dreaming in the middle of the night
suddenly shouts, "Quick, my husband is back!"
Man gets up, jumps out the window and realizes, "Damn! I am the
husband!"

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